![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
If you can not trust over something small, you will never be able to trust over anything.
If you are the rebound off of anyone, chances are you do not know the real person.
If all else fails, laugh.
Everybody is different around different people. It does not make you fake. It makes you adaptive. I'll be damned if I ever talk to my professors they way I do my family or friends. Right?
Just because you have a hint of bi-polar or anxiety or schizophrenia, does not mean you have it. We all have tiny hints of those things, so stop freaking out.
Mess with my family, I won't ever speak to you again.
We are suppose to change. It's called life. Evolve.
Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.
If you do not agree with this, or one or two, I don't care. :)
This is my little rant of all the things I believe and seem to the highlight of this past month.
Don't let people keep kicking you down. It makes them stronger, not you.
In the end, you have to be happy, right?
- Mood:
impressed
I've probably posted this on here before but I'm going to go get my haircut like this today. :)
I don't think I'm going to get the bangs that heavy but we'll see.
I'm pretty excited. I saw that and was like "I have those layers, that one is totally possible!" and it has a little puffy in the back which I want again. :) I miss my funky hair. Ironically, her hair color is like the same as mine lol. But she's prettier. I have no idea who she is but yep. haha.
Going to Camden, taking cans and bottles back, then getting our hair did (mom, sister and me). Then coming home to study up a storm.
I have a test Monday. Poems to read for Monday. A midterm on Tuesday & a concept paper due. Insaneee.
- Location:living room
- Mood: amused
- Music:emperors new school cartoon lol
Seriously.
*I'm not asking you to hate her. I'm asking you to like me more.
*I'm really not that different, I just get nervous around you.
*I wish I was able to be your friend.
*I wish you would understand my words come from my head and sometimes my heart just follows.
*I talk like an adult. It's not always something bad coming out of my mouth.. you just take it badly.
*Fuck you for not believing in me.
*Fuck you for being my enemy.
*I hate you for showing me my true colors.
*I love you for showing me my true colors.
I'm sure I could go on but haha whatever.
(This message is about a number of people in my life, for a number of various reasons. I am venting. Don't like it? Leave my LJ, I don't ask you to read it. :))
- Mood:
annoyed
I've been hanging out with Tara almost every weekend, and I am again this coming weekend. How awesome is that? I love that girl. Through every emotion we've put each through, she's still probably one of my favorites on the entire earth. I'm blessed she's my cousin & I hope she realizes that.
School is going good. I had a test yesterday (Monday) and one last Thursday. I'm having another test next week and a quiz or two, also. It's crunch time because I think midterm grades are due next week. Which is kind of okay because ours do not count for shit haha. So yeah. I'm doing pretty good.
I just got gas and it depresses me. My gas tank wasn't even empty and I paid $35 to fill it up. Blah. I bought new foundation tonight at Rite Aid for 50% off. It was only $4. Now I don't have to wear my mother's haha. I bought this teal eyeliner too. Mhm. I'm going to be hot, sizzle and spice haha. I'm a dork sometimes.
I'm probably having the worst mood swings every. I hate them but at the same time, I'm just being a typical girl where things don't go your way so you take them out on everybody else. I'm sure Jayme wants to kill me. But I want to kill him too. :) So we're even.
My hands are really dry. Just for your information.
I'm getting my haircut on Saturday. My longness is my favorite but it's really dead and stringy and I'm tired of it. The shorter layer will not freaking grow and it looks horrible most days. So I'm pretty sure I'm cutting the longness off right up to my short layer. It's around my shoulders so it won't even be that short. Then I'll just start growing my hair out and trimming it from there.
After my haircut, I'm probably going up to Taberg to hang out with Tara. Then at night we're going to her soccer game. I think Keith (her boyfriend) is going too so I won't be alone during her game. Even if I am it will still be fun. 'Cause her friend Chelsea plays and Zach does and Karley Pope and yada yada. So it will be fun. :) I'm excited already. I've been wanting to go.
I think that's all I wanted to write about.
Good bye. <3
- Location:my parents room watching tv
- Mood:
pain - Music:a dumb commercial
Go check it out.
www.myspace.com/ohshapriss
Add me if we aren't friends on there already :)
"Things will go your way if you hold on for one more day"
My weekend was as amazing as I hoped except a few minor things said and such.
I drank 8 drinks. I threw up and then went to bed haha.
Megan's bed is really hard so I was glad to go home and get into mine lol.
It was really fun nonetheless. I talked to Jamie about things I never thought I would. I love that girl.
I might need to visit her over the course of this next following month. Not even to drink, to just get away and be with my amazing girly. :) Well Mike's girly haha.
Spending time with Tara was amazing too. We talked about a lot. We have plans to go and see one of Keith's shows. It's really heavy music so she doesn't want to go alone and be akward and none of her friends want to be around that, especially girl friends that she can have fun with. So I offered because hey, who doesn't want to experience new things? Plus it will give me something to do and keep active in her life. :) Unlike when she was dating, you know who lol.
I read the weirdest story for American Literature class. It's called "The Yellow Wall-Paper". It's weird, have you read it?
I have test and papers due within the next week or two. I'm starting to get a ton of homework that most of my night is consumed by.
I've been keeping my eye out for a job that will suit me and my hours. So far nothing because Mom still isn't able to drive yet, but we'll find out for sure tomorrow. I hope she can soon. It will take a huge weight off of me & everybody else.
I'm not looking forward to the next month, at all.
I really am not. And for a number of reasons.
I just want it to be summer.
I want all this work, all this struggle, pain, jealousy, hurt, loneliness that I cause myself, to go away and just be gone.
Why do I think summer will bring that?
I have no idea.
But the sun makes everything better.
Driving around, sweating my ass off because I'm too broke to buy a car with A/C, while I blare the music of my taste and sing really loud so cars passing me can even hear me. I love it.
Not having to worry about road conditions, weather conditions, my car not heating up for shit in the winter... yeah I'm getting tired of that lol.
I have to pee and read. Good bye.
- Location:My bed. Soon to be bathroom LOL
- Mood:
confused - Music:Ever Ever After on Ally's page :)
Waking up at like 8 to get ready.
Leaving around 10ish.
Computer Help Desk at school to get some drivers installed for school & get the passcode to the school internet so I can finally get on at school haha. It's only taken me two years to go there and get it. (hopefully if I don't chicken out lol)
Spanish class from 12 till 1.
Coming home and cleaning. Taking Dan around to turn in some applications.
Tara is coming over around 4 and spending the night.
We're going to go to Wal-Mart and get my oil changed & I'm going to buy some goodies and junk for Jamie's girls night out at her campus. :)
Then I'm going to come home and be girly with my sister & Tara. Get facials, try on Mary Kay make-up, etc.
It will be fun.
There is a school dance off tomorrow night but I don't think we'll have time to go to it. I just thought it would be cool if we could but it's all good. :) Some other time.
Saturday, I'm going to Jamie's college. My bestest girlfriend. :) I lovers her.
We're going to go to the zoo after my sister or father shows me how to get out to her college lol.
Then we're going to get drunk! and be lazy asses and laugh and gigle and talk about our boys and have a good ol' time. :) I've never drank with Jamie before, it shall be hillarious because we're both big goofballs from what I hear. :) I can't wait!!!!
Sunday I'm probably going to hang out for a little while there, maybe do an assignment or two just to bug her :) Keep her company and girl talks.
Come home and do some more homework and get ready for Monday.
It's going to go by fast and be fun and be amazing and I can't wait. :) Two great nights in one whole weekend. Woooo. The two girls I miss the most I get to see this weekend. How awesome am I? Plus I get to get drunk hahaha. I can't wait! haha
- Location:My bed. Warmmm
- Mood:
ecstatic - Music:Good Charlotte - Emotionless.
I'm watching this new-ish drug addiction show on VH1 with celebrites. China doll and Bridgette Nelson, a dude from Grease and Daniel Baldwin are on it.
Tomorrow I'm waking up around 8 ish to get ready & go to Camden. Kaylee is having her last basketball game and it happens to be home so my sister and I are going. Later tomorrow I'm probably going to take Mom to Wal-Mart to get her out of the house & see what people are doing for the SuperBowl. I know Wal-Mart will probably be packed but I don't think Mom is going to the game and she hasn't been out of the house in a while. So we shall see.
Sunday is SuperBowl day which I'm either going to spend in Taberg or home (and doing homework).
Next weekend, if the weather is good, I'm going to my girl friend Jamie's college. MVCC. I can't wait. I have the option to get away for most, if not all, of the weekend and to have fun. Drink (even if it is just energy drinks), I want to relax and feel a high, a happy high. And we're going to go to the zoo too. Even though it will probably be freezing haha but that will make it fun. We'll just have to bundle up and look cute in hats and stuff. I'm exciiiiteddddd! I'll live on her campus for a mini weekend haha. I've never done that before and I miss her so I'm really excited. It will give us the time to bonddd like the best friends we are. :)
School is going good. I love/like all my classes. I think Social Problems and American Literature are going to be my favorite.
That's all I really wanted to say. haha. Just that I kicked ass in cleaning and I can't wait till I go spend time with Jamie!
- Location:My parents room.
- Mood:
crazy - Music:Nothing.
Nor do I want you anymore in my life.
Stop trying to take over my life with shit that is not my "reality".
Stop trying to ruin everybody elses life who happens to be in my life.
Stop trying to make me not see the "reality" of stuff and just block it out like it isn't there.
Because it is there. Obviously.
Get over it. Move on and get away from me.
I don't need you. And I especially don't want you anymore.
The last... 5-6 months were good, if not even great.. until this last month when you fell apart.
Give it up. Fall apart and off of me and just leave.
The end.
- Location:Library.
- Mood:
aggravated - Music:nothing.
I hate the mantality (spelt wrong) the whole "you do it to me, I do it back to you". Seriously, hate. I do it once in a while but it seems some people feed off of that in their relationship. Don't you ever just get tired of being annoying? Don't you ever just want to just chill out? Just be. If you can't just be with whoever you are in a relationship with, it's pointless, to me anyways.
I don't know.
I saw my brother laugh harder then he has with us in a long time. It was nice to see him so happy and just calm and relaxed and enjoying himself with us family. I know it felt nice to him, at least it better. We played cards for like 2 hours. Mom, Dan, Crystal and myself. It was just... fun. I love my family. Even when we fight, I deep down love them. I just may not like them sometimes lol. I love my brother. I hope he figures things out and just keeps fixing things in his life. He needs it. He deserves it. There's only a few people left on this earth that have faith in him and I'm probably his biggest fan lately. I'll admit, I use to write in here about how I couldn't stand him. But it seems like I always go through that with males. Like I did the same thing with my father but now I actually see him and understand him. And I'm starting to do that with my brother too. I'm seeing him, I'm not always just judging him and making him a bad guy in my head.
Most people go through the bad to get to their goodness. But doesn't it seem like some peoples goodness never comes? They do it to themselves in my eyes. Maybe you are meant to be miserable. haha. I don't know.
Life isn't short but it's not long either. So grow up, mature, sit back and realize peoples feelings and realize your own feelings before you go freaking out all the time. Just breathe, as I tell my sister allllll the time. Just breathe. It's only life. Don't look away, don't run away, just be. It's only life.
Can I get an amen? :)
Love & Peace.
- Location:my bedroom.
- Mood: calm
- Music:Kate Volegel or something lol
hahaha. Seriously. I did lose my wallet.
I was pumping gas at Sav-on here in my town and I left it on the top of my car. I drove off with it still on the top of my car. Like an hour or two later, somebody calls and is talking to my mom and I hear her say "this is her mother, may I help you?". Turns out I had one of our Avon business cards in my wallet and he found her cellphone number.
Hahahahahaha. Thank God somebody nice found it and thank God I didn't have any money in it or anything like that haha. I seriously am dead broke so I just have change in the change part of it but that's it. And I had my debit card in my coat pocket because I got food at McDonald's afterwards. Or else I would have known my wallet was actually missing but I didn't haha. So that is the highlight of my life haha.
So my dad went with me to this little diner about 15 minutes away to pick it up where these guys were having dinner. They were nice... hillbillys but nice haha. I'm glad they found it.
My day was okay. Two two-hour long classes. Death & Dying and then Architecture. Boy did I miss that architecture group. All of them have hillarious personalities and I'm making friends with this girl that Andrew is friends with, Rochelle. I got asked to stay for dinner but I had a lot to do so I just passed and let them know I'll go next time. But yeah. Death & Dying seems really interesting. She warned us about the work and emotional aspect and the respect we have to show people. I have a feeling I'll cry maybe once or twice. We have like 8 journal entries we have to do throughout the semester. I think my first one might be on my Uncle Brian who passed. I think it will help me get over all those in my life that have passed and learn at the same time. So I'm kind of excited. She seems like a hillarious sarcastic sometimes bitchy lady so I'm excited. She has a heart condition and she owns her own clinic and is a psychologist for people and blah blah. Yep it was a good day.
Tomorrow I have a full day now that I'm taking 18 credits. (Somebody pat me on the back for it other then Jayme so I'll feel special for taking on so much... please :) )
Firstly I have to wake up, take Dan to school since I'll be up anyways and then shower and get ready and stuff.
I have my new Social Problems class at 9:30 till 10:45. Math at 11. Spanish at 12. Break until 1 where I'm going to buy books and eat and read some. Then English at 2.
That's all really. I'll be able to go to bed now that I have all that out.
Oh and I got my period so I was able to start my birth control tonight. :) I'm kind of excited and nervous. I have my alarm set on a daily thing so yep.
Good night.
Love & Peace.
- Location:My bed. :)
- Mood: PMS
- Music:My fan humming away.
Spanish was... well spanish. She is from Peru and speaks hardcore spanish and some of the people in there seem really nice. Like this black girl was paired up with me and we had to speak in spanish and it was kind of awkward but she nice.
Now I'm waiting to go to English at 2 with Rosemary Baker, who I've had before also.
I'm thinking about signing up for a History class because I emailed my advisor about Humanities classes but none of the humanities match my schedule or I'd have to change it all around or have night classes. And I'm not doing that. But he recommended another SOCS class which this history class fits into my schedule so I'm going to email him back and recommand it. That way if I do sign up (I need to find my PIN which means tonight I have to clean my room and hurry up and sign up) that I'll be taking 18 credits this semester. I think that is the max. I've never done more then 15 but I want to crunch down and get the hell on with my life. I can do it. I just need to focus on me and shit. Lock myself in my room and do it. So we'll see.
I'll email him after I find my PIN number.
- Location:School Library.
- Mood: amused
Break was just extremely too short. I did way too much. I spent way too much money.
I'm just starting to get tired of school and I'm not even close to done haha. Oh well.
Hopefully it will go by extremely fast. I have plans to take classes during the summer too.
We'll see on that since it's months away. There is 2 or 3 classes I could take to get my degree, or help get it.
So I'm definately optimistic I will graduate this winter, December of 2008. :) Yay!
Then I can focus on moving out to a different school, probably with Jayme and yep.
Good byeeeeeee.
That's all.
I've been at Jayme's since Wednesday night (which was his birthday :)) and I've been sick everyday. Haha. It sucks. I'm so stuffed and full of boogers and I sneeze all the time and can't barely breathe and now my throat is getting sore from sneezing and my nose hurts from blowing it. I think it's just a virual infection that will probably get worse when I go home because it's pretty nice here and it's snowing back upstate where I live. So fun. Sick on the first week of classes. Watch me get my period too and have to start my birth control to make it more lovely. :)
It has been nice here though. Veryyyy relaxing and sometimes too relaxing that I got bored once haha. But I have been with Jayme and that's just the best part. He was standing in front of me while I was sitting down today and I just grabbed his leg and hugged the crap out of him. I was thinking to myself "wow I will and couldn't ever be like this with a guy." I've never felt this comfortable before with anybody and it's amazing. I'm happy even when things are shitty just because he's with me.
We went to the movies today with his family. (Mom, TeAsia, MiMi and Jamal & their two kids). Who were like "HIIIII Carissa!" well the kids were and his mom's face lit up when she saw me because she thought it was Jay getting in the door but it was me and she was like :))))) heyyyyy hunny how are you? :) It was adorable. Jay and I saw that new movie Cloverfield while everybody else saw Alvin and the Chipmunks. Cloverfield was good BUT it makes you motion sickness. Plus having a sinus headache and very bad motion sickness to begin with, I don't recommend watching it. Haha. Seriously, it's pretty bad and I was having nauscious burps like I was going to puke haha. All because they used like a documentary of kids that experienced this tragedy and it was just their video camera, nto a professional and keeping it straight. It was veryyyy dizzy. But overall, a great movie and makes me not want to go to Manhattan tomorrow hahaha.
School starts soon. I'm going to try and find a job so I can save up to move out and get Jayme upstate. My new goal (well one of them) is on my spring break in March I'm either moving Jayme up to my area or I'm making him come up for interviews. :) That way we'll have a week to get things settled and stuff. Plus he can apply and call places ahead of time and get interviews set up. Or all of the above. So that's our goal and his face lit up when I mentioned it so I'm happy that he's happy, well going to be happy in a few months. :) He needs to get his butt in gear. Work has cut down his hours more and he is now getting a percentage taken out of his paycheck for his really old student loans and he wants to save up to move and get a new computer and his five hour course. I feel pushy but I'm only doing it because I care honestly. I don't want him to think I don't support him but I don't want him to think I'm being too pushy either. I just feel like sometimes people don't support him enough so I want to remind him he has so many things to look forward to in the next year that his butt needs to bustin'. Especially by summer time for his comic book. So yeah.
I don't want to go home but yet I do because I know that's what my body and sickness need.
Jayme has an hour or so left at work so I'm going to go finish packing a little bit now that I've wrote this and looked up the train time (which there is one when I need one to get into the city so yay!). :) Now I'm going to go wait for my sexy and amazing boyfriend to get home.
I'll have pictures. I need him to find his USB cord so I can upload pictures from his camera before I leave since he has no computer anymore. :(
Oh and I miss my girl Jamie. I'm going out to her college this semester at least once, the end.
- Location:Jayme's bedroom.
- Mood:
sick - Music:The Long Island news.
I love my new LJ layout so you should check it out :)
Tomorrow is Jayme's birthday. (My boyfriend) So you should wish him a happy birthday if you know him or know his myspace link or whatever. :) Girls that talk to him that I don't like are probably going to comment him and I'm going to knock them out haha.
I'm also going down to visit him tomorrow too so I'll be there for his birthday night. :) Hint hint, nudge nudge hahaha. He won't even read this probably, not until afterwards most likely.
I'm done with getting fillings this year hopefully. I have a cleaning in May and I've been taking better care of my teeth so hopefully I won't go over my $1,000 rate that my insurance covers if I keep them cavity free. :)
I have so much to do tomorrow. I'm about to take some benadryl and pass the hell out. My nose is stuffy.
I have major anxiety and I'm trying to cope with it, over a number of situations and sometimes it is hard. Once school starts I think I'll get back into my groove and conquer a lot of my anxieties and fears so I'll be more at ease.
I started to pack for Jayme's but I have to do laundry tomorrow. And I have to wait till I shower tomorrow so I can pack up all the bathroom stuff. This is one of the times I hate being a girl and caring what I look like cause I have to bring a ton of stuff for like 4 days haha. I took my nail polish off because it looked like crap and I plucked my eyebrows. I have a ton of stuff to do tomorrow. Jeesh. Way to wait to the last minute.
And I have a ten dollar bill from my train ride from NYC (Penn Station) to Huntington Station near his house so that works out so I don't get a ton of one dollar coins back. And the train rides meet up when Jayme and then Jayme and I have to use it so yay for being on a good schedule tomorrow! haha. So we don't have to wait an hour in the really hot, over crowded place.
Alrighty. I'm done babbling I guess. Have a good day or night.
I have more I could rant on but I'm getting pretty lazy with this thing and self conscience about what I write and who reads it haha. But good night.
I love you Jayme. Hope your birthday is/was amazing (whenever you read this) haha.
- Location:living room, soon to be bed.
- Mood: dorkkk
- Music:independence day movie.
We went to Marshalls and Walmart to look for jeans for Jamie. The ones she liked were too big or too small and the ones that were her size, were ugly haha. Go figure huh? So then she just took me to Save on to wait for my ride while she talked to her hunni Mike on the phone. They are so cute. He was on speaker and you can just tell he adores her and likes to talk to her and stuffs. He does an awesome Stitch voice and this whole Spartan quote thing haha. It was funny.
But yeah, I love my bestest friend Jamie. :)
Today I'm done a lot of baking, cleaning, laundry, made a sign for Timmy since he's coming home from Iraq, scholorship stuff, helping mom. It's almost 2 and I haven't even showered and probably won't till 3 or 4. Oh well. Oh and I have to put Christmas stuff away. Later on we are all going to the airport to greet Timmy in. There will probably be like 30 people waiting for him, no freaking joke. He's our hero in the family. :) Go Army and goodbye Iraq (again)! After the airport I think we're going to Rico's for a drink (well a soda for me) and then coming home so it will be a late night. I might stay the night at my Aunt's house because Jayme hasn't had the internet or the computer lately and I'm tired of being home and bored but we'll see.
Sunday is Timmy's party which I'm baking brownies and a pie for. We have to get beverages too still but we can always do that later or in the morning before we go up. (If I don't stay at Aunt Patti's). My sister is making some weird soup and bread combo which is the whole day will be soups so it's cool. It will be fun. I don't have any other plans for Sunday yet.
Monday I'm going to the Dr.'s with Mom (at least one of them, Dr. Samad) and then going out to eat with Alicia & Kylee and probably their babies. They are going to go "so when are you having one" as a joke and I'll say 5 years haha. I start birth control on my next period so we'll see how that goes. But yeah, lunch with my ladies. :)
Tuesday I have a dentist appointment and I have to take mom to the foot doctors. She has 3 more visits left. I wish her AFLAC check would comein the mail. Jeesh. And I'm packing and probably doing laundry.
Wednesday I leave for Jayme's for 4 ish days and come home just to go to school for 5 ish months lol. I can't wait to come home and see how dirty the house is haha because I'm pretty sure nobody will really do anything while I'm gone. But watch me be wrong and God will be like Hahahahhaa.
I'm done babbling for now. I'm hungry so good bye and back to choas for me!
I have a busy day tomorrow so I probably won't be up much longer. We'll see.
I'm going to the dentist at 11. I have to get a few fillings. I'm kind of nervous because I haven't recieved a filling in about 7 years. So I'm making my sister go with me haha.
Later on we're taking Mom for a walk if it is a nice day like today was. And we're going to throw Avon books throughout the neighborhood to see if we can increase sales.
I also want to put gas into Mom's car because it's five cents off Tuesday so yep. Oh and I want to go to P&C and get an application because they are hiring part time for a cashier.
I figured out that I could work Tuesday, Friday and Sunday's at 7 pm till 11 pm. Following days I don't have to be up till 11 am so it works to work late. I'll be working 12 ish hours total (if this is what they allow me to work, we'll see) and within a week I'll have about $85 dollars or so. Which then allows me to have roughly $600 saved up by the beginning of March. Neat huh?
Want to know why that is neat? Because I want to live with Jayme. And so far people have been supporting me. Well the ones I've told. Only a few know because it's not like it's set in stone or whatever. In March, maybe even April, Jayme is going to try to move up here and I'm pretty positive I want to find a place with him. He'll still be working/living close to my school so I can still attend easily. I'll have my own money, especially if I get this job and keep up with Avon as much as possible. So I think it's definately do able. I think we both need help getting our butts going and help to grow independently so I think we can help each other. I'm kind of excited... more then kind of. I'm ready.
This house makes me such a mean, selfish person and I can't stand it anymore. I love my family, always will, don't get me wrong but I can't stand them anymore. I snap at them each at least 2 times a day. I complain all the time to Jayme which just adds un needed stress on our relationship. I'm just tired of it. So Jayme will be my hero and my savior if this all works out like we have planned so far.
That's all I really wanted to say so I'm going to go. I'm kind of hungry and thirsty so I'm going to chill.
Oh and if you have myspace (especially if you are my friend), go check out a bunch of pictures I've added over the last week or so.
But before I go,
Oh and Kylee is talking to me now so peace outtttt.
Love & Peace.
- Location:living room couch
- Mood: chipper
- Music:psychic children show
Jayme Spencer Flythe
&&
Carissa Jeanne Bienvenue
August 27, 2006
We are planning to move in with each other soon.
Hopefully by March.
And I think even my mother supports it.
I love him.
I love love, period.
Now I must go because I have a busy day.
Good-bye.
Love & Peace.
- Location:Living room.
- Music:Gorillaz - Sunshine In A Bag
Jayme was only suppose to stay till Tuesday or Wednesday.
Now he's not going home till Monday at either Noon or 6 pm. How amazing is that?
He called work and he wasn't on the schedule till Tuesday (this up coming one) so he's staying longer.
Yayayyayay! So we've been hanging out of course and keeping busy.
It's weird to have him here again. I lose track of myself and sometimes him.
I just have a lot on my mind.
Tomorrow and Sunday morning we're doing a bunch with Avon. Also on Sunday we're going up to my Aunt Patti's I think and hanging out. Probably playing lots of Wii like on New Years Eve. (Which was a blast and if you have myspace, I have an album on there of it all so check it out or ask me for my url. K? k) :)
I'm not normally up this late. I'm babysitting actually.
My brother's girlfriend has a 2 1/2 year old, Madison so I'm watching her.
She's asleep now, on the couch, but I'm not going to leave till they get home. I'll probably fall asleep after this though.
She's so adorable. She fell asleep on my lap playing with my hair. And before that, I had her go potty before bed and she wanted to be picked up. She likes me, finally. :)
I have plenty of more to say but here, enjoy some pictures. :)
- Location:recliner in the living room
- Mood: happy & tired.
- Music:still standing tv show.
Jamie: it is like a huge bump in the road ..even when we argue and talk about it like we did last night and him tellin me everything i want to hear .. but it just doesnt sink into my skull ... its gay
Jamie: i guess im afraid if i finally let down my gaurd about it ... thats when ill get hurt
Me: wow thats a deep point
Me: i never looked at it that way
Jamie: haha .. neither did i .. till just now ... and it makes complete sense too
Jamie: so .. then that leaves a choice ... take a risk and let the guard down and pray if you seriously think its the one and your meant to be together ... or .. keep the gaurd up and keep gettin into nasty fights and feelin like your just goin over bumps every time he wants to go out .. and spend the night in tears and worries
Me:some where there has to be a happy medium .. hopefully haha
Jamie: it just all makes sense now ... it all comes down to being afraid that that one good thing thats goin in your life .. could come crashing down at any point and us females leave our gaurds up to a point ... to try to protect ourselves ... when really were just hurting ourselves .. and it could be the possible reason for a strong love filled relationship to possibly end
I love her <3
And I wish her and Mike the best luck in the world. They are almost as perfect as Jayme and I hahaha. I'm teasing, kind of :P
I hope she gets to be over all this and finds her happy medium at least.
I think I'm finally finding my happy medium too.
But we'll see when he moves up here and how many happy medium moments I have. haha.
Good night everybody!
My brothers girlfriend, Crystal, is a psycho bitch but I like her anyways. :)
Hahaha, happy?
No I'm just kidding but I do like her. She's cool. And her baby girl Madison is the second most adorable girl I've ever seen. (Cousin Meghan in PA is the first, sorry :P)
Oh and I call her Sunshine on my phone and stuff so I don't get confused between her and my sister. They have the same name so when you say "Crystal!" they both look, haha.
Jayme comes tomorrow so he'll probably get to meet them because Dan asked if people were going to be home to watch Madison for him and Crystal because he wants to go to the movies or something.
Now I can't talk bad about Dan in here without making it private haha.
MORE IMPORTANTLY!
My boyfriend comes tomorrow. And I have not seen him in like a month and a half and I miss him. I honestly just miss his smile and laugh and dorkyness. He's always happy and this house is always... not happy haha so it will be nice to have him around. It cheers everybody up and we need that. And we're hanging out, he can take a nap or shower or both before we go out bowling with Jamie and her boy Mike.
Before he comes though, I'm printing out scholorship stuff, doing house laundry and personal laundry, going to walmart probably with mom to get her nails done and get a few things we forgot today and probably cleaning the house a little bit. He doesn't come till 4:30 so I like to stay busy haha. That way I don't get too nervous or anxious or end up waiting for him for like a half hour in my car. hah.
*edit* And now I'm going to Cazenovia with Crystal to look at the area and find newspapers because now she's second guessing living on campus. Oh boy. She's crazy. No better way then to wait till school is less then a month away to decide such a big thing. Oh well, not my life right?
Oh and my dad is mega grumpy today and it's beginning to piss me off. He's acting like mom is purposely being a bitch. or even a bitch and he's like blahb aljfeoawjfeiowahepjoregtrjirejdlfjmkedhf
Alrighty I have aim conversations going with Tara, Jayme and my sister even though she's just downstairs haha.
Love & Peace.
- Location:my bed.
- Mood:
giggly - Music:nothing im a loser.
